I finished the last of my final exams today. I’m done with my BSSE at SJSU. I just hope I’m not permanently as stressed out as I have been for the last couple years. Free time is almost foreign to me at this point… It’ll take a lot time to relax, I guess. Some of my coworkers were joking with me saying how, now that I have my degree, I can now go get a good job. Deep down, it bothers me that I spent so much time at school when I landed my current (awesome) job primarily on merit (the rest was luck). I hate that my degree was a barrier to be crossed rather than a foothold for new opportunity.
A couple of days ago my father was being a whiney bitch. He was going off on how it is important for me to walk at SJSU commencement (I’m not). The singular reason I did the work to complete my degree was because Judy wanted me to; not for myself, not for anyone else, not for any other benefit. Now, at the end when all the work is done, he selfishly demands to be part of the experience. He tirades me with tenuous reasons why I should walk. Every reason thinly veils only his personal desires. He wants the achievement to be his own. Like he gives a fuck about me. If he gave two shits about me completing my degree, he’d have helped me pay for college. If he really cared that I finished, he might’ve helped me not encumber myself in debt. If had any desire to support me he wouldn’t have forced me out of his goddamn house when I was on hard times trying to figure out how I’d finish the degree. If he’d really cared at all he’d have asked me “What classes are you taking?”, “Who are your professors?”, “How are your grades?”, “Are you happy?”, anything.
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